In this module, we’ll dive into an active editing exercise to refine a paragraph from a results section. The goal is to make the text concise, clear, and focused on the key findings, while avoiding redundancy and unnecessary details. Let’s get started!

The Context

The paragraph we’re editing comes from a study about running during pregnancy. The table associated with this paragraph provides data on:

  • The percentage of runners who continued running during pregnancy and breastfeeding.
  • How much and how intensely they ran.

The Original Paragraph

Here’s the original draft of the results section:

The majority of runners ran during pregnancy, with 70% (77 out of 110) running during the first trimester, 55% (60 out of 110) during the second trimester, and 32% (35 out of 110) during the third trimester. From the 77 women who ran during pregnancy, 90% (69 out of 77) reported cutting back on their weekly mileage, and 85% (65 out of 77) reported cutting back on their running intensity. On average, those who ran during pregnancy reduced their weekly mileage to 20.3 ± 9.3 miles and their running intensity to 47.9% ± 21% of their non-pregnant effort. A small number of runners, 3.9% (3 out of 77), reported sustaining a running injury while pregnant. In the postpartum period, 23% (18 out of 77) resumed running within two weeks of giving birth, 45% (35 out of 77) within one month, and 75% (58 out of 77) within two months.

The Editing Process

Step 1: Identify the Key Points

The original paragraph is overly detailed and repetitive. Instead of listing every statistic, we’ll focus on the most important findings:

  1. 70% of runners ran during pregnancy, with almost a third continuing into the third trimester.
  2. Runners significantly reduced their mileage and intensity during pregnancy.
  3. A small number of runners sustained injuries while pregnant.
  4. Postpartum running habits: Nearly a quarter resumed running within two weeks, and most resumed within two months.

Step 2: Simplify and Condense

First Sentence

  • Original: The majority of runners ran during pregnancy, with 70% (77 out of 110) running during the first trimester, 55% (60 out of 110) during the second trimester, and 32% (35 out of 110) during the third trimester.
  • Edited: 70% of runners ran during pregnancy (n=77), and almost one-third continued into the third trimester.

Second and Third Sentences

  • Original: From the 77 women who ran during pregnancy, 90% (69 out of 77) reported cutting back on their weekly mileage, and 85% (65 out of 77) reported cutting back on their running intensity. On average, those who ran during pregnancy reduced their weekly mileage to 20.3 ± 9.3 miles and their running intensity to 47.9% ± 21% of their non-pregnant effort.
  • Edited: On average, those who ran during pregnancy greatly curtailed their training—running just 20.3 ± 9.3 miles per week and cutting their intensity to about half of their non-pregnant effort.

Fourth Sentence

  • Original: A small number of runners, 3.9% (3 out of 77), reported sustaining a running injury while pregnant.
  • Edited: Three runners reported sustaining a running injury while pregnant.

Fifth Sentence

  • Original: In the postpartum period, 23% (18 out of 77) resumed running within two weeks of giving birth, 45% (35 out of 77) within one month, and 75% (58 out of 77) within two months.
  • Edited: In the postpartum period, nearly a quarter waited two or fewer weeks to resume running, and most resumed within two months.

The Final Edited Paragraph

Here’s the polished version of the results section:

70% of runners ran during pregnancy (n=77), and almost one-third continued into the third trimester. On average, those who ran during pregnancy greatly curtailed their training—running just 20.3 ± 9.3 miles per week and cutting their intensity to about half of their non-pregnant effort. Three runners reported sustaining a running injury while pregnant. In the postpartum period, nearly a quarter waited two or fewer weeks to resume running, and most resumed within two months.

Key Takeaways

  1. Focus on the Big Picture: Highlight the most important findings rather than listing every statistic.
  2. Avoid Repetition: Don’t repeat information that’s already in the table.
  3. Be Concise: Use simple, direct language to convey your results.
  4. Use Visual Aids: Let tables and figures do the heavy lifting for detailed data.

By following these steps, you can transform a cluttered, overly detailed results section into a clear and impactful summary of your findings. Happy editing!

What challenges have you faced when editing results sections? Share your thoughts or questions in the comments below!